He passed out mid-signature
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize