I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize