we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
