I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
