Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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