i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
