I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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