I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
