He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
there was a trapeze. enough said
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Randomize
