This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
