I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
