we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Vodka?
Forever.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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