I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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