I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Sorry my hands just texted you
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize