I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
