Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
