Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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