Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
