Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
