i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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