You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
