the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Randomize
