My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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