i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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