I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
