I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
