too bad you live with your parents still
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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