Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day ๐๐#pensacolaproblems
I donโt know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize