FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Randomize
