White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
