I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Sorry my hands just texted you
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
