I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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