The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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