Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
