Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
