Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
