I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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