i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
