Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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