the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
