party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
