It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
