i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
