so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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