who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize