I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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