the condom got lost in my hair
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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