You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
