I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
