i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
