After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
