I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
