Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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