I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Randomize
