Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I would ride that face into the sunset
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
