It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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