i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
