I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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