i just sent this text using only my big toe
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
she pinky promised me she was 18
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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