"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
