I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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