I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
you didnt know i had herpes?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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