but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Boobs are out for the taking
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
