We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
