The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
